


My Heart is Broken

by Ketakoshka



Series: My Heart is Broken Series [1]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Murder, Nea's Memories, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-15 11:59:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2228226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ketakoshka/pseuds/Ketakoshka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First in the series The memories, of a mysterious man and the Earl, that plague Allen make him realize that all is not right with him and Kanda.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Heart is Broken

My Heart is Broken (Evanescence)

_** I will wander 'til the end of time, torn away from you ** _

_They lie beside each other, lost in the company of the one they hold dear as the hours pass by in blissful silence. They're naked from the waist up, leaving plenty of flesh to gaze upon. And in the quiet you can just hear the black haired Noah whisper, "I love you, my Earl."_

Allen awakens with a gasp and bolts upright. "What was that dream?"

_** I pulled away to face the pain ** _   
_** I close my eyes and drift away ** _

The next day, Allen's walking hand in hand with Kanda in blissful silence once again. A smile graces his face until footsteps aproach behind them, and Kanda pulls from his grasp. He knows that he should be used to it by now, Kanda not wanting anyone to know of their relationship. 'God forbid that anyone were to find out about us.' A scowl finds its way out, only for its unhappy tendrils of feelings to be squashed, and his mind moves on to other things.

Namely the dreams.

_** Over the fear that I will never find ** _   
_** A way to heal my soul ** _   
_** And I will wander 'til the end of time ** _   
_** Torn away from you ** _

'Who was that man with the Millenium Earl? Why did he say 'I love you?' Deep silver pools tear up slightly for reasons he can't explain, when an overwelming amount of pain shoots through his very being. 'Who are you?'

_** My heart is broken ** _   
_** Sweet sleep, my dark angel ** _   
_** Deliver us from sorrow's hold ** _   
_** (Over my heart) ** _

"Kanda!"

"What is it Moyashi?"

His irritated tone startles his lover, and he, unnoticably, shirks away. "I just wanted to know if you wanted to go get something to eat."

"No, go get some yourself. I can't afford to eat as much as you do."

"Oh," he murmurs, "then I guess I'll go on my own. I love you." Kanda gives him an annoyed look before returning the sentiment.

Outwardly, the younger exorsist looks okay with this, but on the inside, he's puzzled and worried. Thinking of the mysterious man and  
the Earl, he wonders if his love is normal. He wonders if it's normal for one partner to constantly make digs at the other and almost refuse to state their love.

'If it's not, then what did I do wrong?'

I can't go on living this way  
But I can't go back the way I came

Allen stares out of the window in his room with barely contained worry rallying inside his chest. Last night he'd had another dream, not a good one, not at all. He drempt of something that he could never tell Kanda about. He saw them kiling an exorsist together without remorse.

And he rather enjoyed watching.

_** Chained to this fear that I will never find ** _   
_** A way to heal my soul ** _

"What is wrong with me?" Allen's watching the sunset past the shining glass with a dreary expression. He wants to tell Kanda but he knows it'll make their tense relationship worse.

_** And I will wander 'til the end of time ** _   
_** Half alive without you ** _

But in the dead of night, Allen screams out for the Earl. Thankfully, he's on a mission alone. But his heart feels empty.

_** My heart is broken ** _   
_** Sweet sleep, my dark angel ** _   
_** Deliver us ** _

A sliver of unbroken moonlight falls down across unmoving bodies as their murderers watch blood pool out onto the floor. "Isn't it beautiful, my love?" the Millenium Earl asks.

"Yes it is." Golden eyes meet one another and soon the air becomes tainted with the smell of sex.

Silver pools zoom open to the soft breaths of his lover leering over him. "Did someone have a good dream about me?"

Not having the heart or courage to tell the truth, he whispers, "yes."

_** Change - open your eyes to the light ** _   
_** I denied it all so long, oh so long ** _   
_** Say goodbye, goodbye ** _

It continues on this way for a long time. And every time he's caught, he has to lie. But he wants to tell the truth... 'Would it be so bad?'  
He mentally backs away from that notion as he knows that he'll only make it worse.

But he wants it so bad, this love that he's never seen or felt before...

_** My heart is broken ** _   
_** Release me, I can't hold on ** _   
_** Deliver us ** _

On one night while the exorsists lay together, Allen final got his answer.

"Have you ever thought about having kids?"

"Some times. Why?"

"Just wondering."

"No your not. I sense a little sceme hatching, Neah."

"Shut up, Adam."

_** My heart is broken ** _   
_** Sweet sleep, my dark angel ** _   
_** Deliver us ** _

Allen wakes up with a start as Kanda does the same. "What's wrong, Moyashi?"

"Nothing," he whispers with a nervous smile. "It's just a dream."

But just before the samerai falls asleep he hears...

_** My heart is broken ** _   
_** Sweet sleep, my dark angel ** _   
_** Deliver us from sorrow's hold ** _

"Please tell me, Adam... why am I dreaming of you?"

 


End file.
